How to Set your Boundaries and Stand Your Ground

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November 19, 2014

There was once an admin who could never seem to get out at 5:00 pm. No matter how hard she tried her boss always kept her late. So finally she came to him and explained she had a new babysitter and had to leave at 5:00, no exceptions. It worked. However she had no kids. This is a true story told to me in a class I taught, which simply validates that it’s tough to set boundaries. This mini-article is to remind you to see yourself as the person in control, then simply help others get what they want in the process.  Here are some suggestions…

First, figure out what your boss really wants. Is it for you to be there whenever something needs to get done (set up a system to leave notes), or perhaps your boss needs to feel in control or micro-manages or maybe it’s just that your boss is spoiled because you’re so great you’ve always been there! Everyone needs to feel important and needed. Your job is to make your bosses’ life/job easier, figure out what he/she thinks is needed, and it begins with you respecting yourself enough to find creative, effective ways to set boundaries.

What does that mean? Earlier I wrote an article on creating an Admin Bill of Rights, so think of what you would believe your rights are, such as “right to say not now but as soon as I’m done with this project,” “right to ask for clarity,” “right to leave on time.” Then ask yourself what it looks like (body language, tone, words) to be totally confident when talking with your boss. Anticipate what he or she might say when you professionally stand your ground and know what you’ll say.

Watch your words. One way to stand your ground is to say no, and an easy version is: Can, Can’t and Why. Sounds like this: “Bob I can finish the job later today, I can’t do it now because we have a conference call in an hour.” Another great tool is “when you,” “I felt,” “I need.”  This sounds like…”Joan, when you yelled at me in front of the department I really felt embarrassed and I need you to go into your office or a conference room if you’re upset.”

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Your job is to be the best at what you do, to solve the problems and handle the issues, all the while making sure your boss feels his/her needs are being met but at the same time, being in control. When you look at it from this perspective it becomes more of a fun challenge than a grueling contest to see who gets the last word. If it doesn’t deal with your integrity feel free to let your boss think he/she is smarter or always right. Your job is to graciously, with a smile on your face, get what you need in order to do the best job you possibly can. And that starts with taking care of you and realizing you have the right to set boundaries; it enables you to be much more effective in your job and feel better about it in the process. That’s real power!

Check out Jennifer Webb's website at www.magiccomm.com

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About the author:
Jennifer Webb’s extraordinary programs combine magic, psychology, NLP, Emotional Intelligence, accelerated learning, behavioral kinesiology and other interactive tools to reach people instantly with messages of inspiration and content. Her most popular programs are designed to propel thinking from challenges and frustration to “can do” and “possibilities. Her core message: Our attitudes and expectations create our realities and impact everyone around us. Business communications specialist, human performance coach, author of four books on human potential and motivational magician/speaker with a background in psychology, (BS in Psychology, completing an MS in Psychology) Jennifer teaches how to increase peak performance and create and reach goals by reprogramming how we think. Her highly-interactive programs are ideal for long and short term training, for break-out sessions, one-on-one coaching and keynote presentations. www.magiccomm.com.

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